A conversation I recently had

"and what was the deal!?", mind said to the heart.
"that I want to see her happy." heart replied grievously.
"So don't be sad now that she is happy."
"I know she's happy. And that was what I wanted. Always. but two years down the line I've felt things I've never felt  before. I got carried away in the process I know but that's not what hurts. what eats me from inside is the fact that I gave my everything to make her happy, and when she received happiness, she went to share it with people who made her sad in the first place."
"Well, she's just a wild thing. let her laugh, live and roam on her own terms. Maybe, one day she'll come back to you and that won't be a rebound journey in search of happiness. She'll come to look for you!"

And that one time, They were wrong. mind knew what heart couldn't.

A twist in your story

I'm finally feeling matured. I'm Letting you go. No I don't want to. Life without you is the last thing I could see myself in. But I know we are falling apart. Slowly and beautifully. Maybe, It never was meant to be. Maybe this ain't that universe. it makes me feel so sorry that I couldn't express myself to you as much as others can. I love you and I can't even talk to you without having to think what to say. It's sad that I say what I do best is convince people because then by this time, you'd been on my side and I could have said for once, that I loved you the way you deserved. 

I think my part was not really that much in your story. I was just there so you could realize you aren't as fucked as you think you are. You're so young and new and fresh. You haven't been through the worst someone ever can. You just had a bad patch. I just needed to tell you that you're happy.

How dare I fancied I was the twist in your story!

I Flinch when I see the future

"What can you do for her?" someone close to her asked me once. My reply was, "I'll make sure she'll always be happy." but then she confronted me abruptly, "what will you do to make me happy?"

I said, "I'll let you go." what I didn't say, I couldn't say, was that I'll let you go is the saddest composition of words I have ever made.

Having a pet

We crave for love. Each of us. Sooner or later, more or less. We go around searching for someone who for once in life can make us feel special. It's an incredible feeling, that! To mean the world to someone. And having a pet is more or less same. I have a cat. I remember last night I was having my dinner on kitchen table at 1 in the midnight and she came around rolling near my legs. She meow'ed. It's her way to ask for milk. And I hate it because I know as soon as she's full, she'll leave. But I still do it. I still feed her knowing she doesn't love me, she's just for the food. But some days, she'll stay. She'll not come to me and kiss me but she sits near me and meows. I know she's not asking for milk then but she just likes to talk. And that little time once a week or so, I really enjoy.

Maybe at that time I realize how and why human behave. We are bound to the insecurities that we hold within us. And just like we search for that someone, pets fill the void. It's difficult to explain but they are so profoundly attached sometimes, for a moment it does feel like you are the world to someone. And it's still completely different than what you feel with a similarly attached human being.

P. S. -  get a pet, you'll understand ;)

Travelling

It's funny how our life is connected to travelling in such an obvious, very few people actually realize the importance of it. everyday we travel to a new place and I'm not suggesting about the physical place but the fact that the place where you are at this very moment is a unique, different place because you can never travel back to that exact moment which just passed. where things can be exactly like they were. With every freaking details. That can't happen. Even though it's your office or home or some place you visit everyday but it's always different in context of time.

That's what so amazing. It's a journey. That we all have to make. We all have to travel.
Just that if we are unaware where we are headed. Yeah, it would have been simpler if we knew but I guess it takes out the energy of traveling. Because if we know about the destination, it becomes more important than journey.  And as much as I understand, it's the journey, that is the point of life.

Dreaming beyond Rationality

I think about it a lot. The way people stay awake at night. What do they gain? After a long day of hectic hours in this torturous world, why spend more time being awake than to go for a sound sleep. I have read somewhere, ' when your life becomes better than your dreams, you tend to stay awake. ' But that is true and unacceptable at a very small platform. So I'll be more sound. I believe people stay awake at night thinking about their lives and creating a fantasy world that they would rather live in. Where they can buy their Mercedes, and the love of their lives is with them. Where world is so much a better place for them. People build at night. Staying awake, placing every piece as they want it to be. Where pieces don't have to be placed in a perfect manner to fit. That's what people do at night.

The fact that gives me chills is that they don't actually dream. In the process of building, they don't really build. They don't recreate. They renovate their lives. Their dreams lie in the boundaries of their reach. Or something that is possible, just hard. I mean they won't fantasise themselves driving a Rolls Royce. Why? "Oh come on! How is that rational? A middle class man working on 50k salary, what are the chances of him driving a Rolls Royce?"

This rationality while dreaming, while building is totally useless. Or rather unnecessary. People stay awake to dream because while sleeping, they don't have control over their dreams but The control on our dreams makes us stop dreaming. Because to dream, a mind must be free. Not only from stress or anxieties but also from rationality.

A Blind Date

It was a blind date which made me realize this. Yeah, not everyone of us gets a chance to go for a literal blind date this days but a blind date is more like meeting someone you are unlikely to meet otherwise. But it's destiny, isn't it? You are meant to meet that person. Only the way you meet them makes it so special. For instance the person sitting next to you on a flight. You know you'll never meet them again and you didn't plan to meet them at first place but once you start to know them and if they make your little bulb light, making you question if he/she can be the one you would want to date? because then, It's very hard to let them go. You try your best to make a connection so you don't lose contact of them. But it's not that person. It's not like she is the most beautiful thing you have ever seen or he is the most hysterical guy ever. Perhaps, she is but it's the story you are interested in. The story of how I met this girl! We all want a story. One which is exciting enough to share. More interesting to live with. And it's always lovely when you are not meant to meet them but you do. We all want that story! and the best thing about this story is that if you lose the person next to you on that flight, you'll not feel that bad. Your mind goes like, "we were never meant to be" and it's a dot. Life goes on. But hypothetically, If you had her wouldn't she be the most precious thing to you? Wouldn't it? 


That's the way we are. Humans. We always have aims and goals and plans and something that is close to our heart and something we never would think of losing but the most precious thing we ever find is what comes uninvited. Because that is magical. and who doesn't love a little magic, eh? ;)